Have you ever being a bridesmaid and never a bride, or a groomsman and never a groom? Being married is a status majority of people prefer. Singleness is chosen by a few, yet experienced by so many.
Why do we struggle with waiting well in our singleness? Could it be because of all the things we feed our mind with?
It may seem insignificant, but we start this early on. As soon as a baby coos and gurgles they get to premier their first Prince Charming and Sleeping Beauty fairytale. Then we nourish our love fantasies from countless sources: movies, soundtracks, novels, ads on billboards … all trying to shape up the most intimate side of us.
Most people grow up with a faulty view of singleness: singleness is to be avoided, singleness means rejection, singleness is looked down upon. Hence, all the matchmaking pressure from family and friends.
Sadly, too often churches shy away from teaching on topics as such. While only a few parents dare to brave into uncomfortable, yet truthful guidance at an early age to restore a healthy view of how singleness ought to look like.
Singleness is a gift God entrusts each one of us with for a short while, a longer season, or a lifetime.
How do we manage it? With love, or with lust?
Love vs. Lust
As we were reading the other day Genesis 34, we all blushed a bit at a story we learned a ton from.
Jacob returned safely to Canaan after many years of separation from his brother Esau. He brought along his wives, kids, slaves, sheep, cattle and all. He had eleven sons at this point and a daughter Dinah. Where they settled there was a man with title and power, named Shechem, the image of lust to avoid.
This is how LUST looks like:
Shechem noticed Dinah’s beauty.
Shechem wanted Dinah.
Shechem enjoyed marital privileges first.
Shechem desired to marry her afterwards.
Shechem expected her family’s blessing.
Shechem made some brothers really mad.
Shechem got killed for defiling Dinah.
“Simeon and Levi, Dinah’s brothers, took their swords and attacked the unsuspecting city, killing every male…” Genesis 34
This is how LOVE looks like:
Jacob sees Rachel’s beauty.
Jacob is in love with Rachel.
Jacob asks Laban to marry his daughter Rachel.
Jacob has to wait and work for seven years.
Jacob gets tricked and gets Leah.
Jacob waits for guidance.
Jacob marries Rachel.
Jacob makes love to Rachel.
Jacob works seven more years for Rachel’s sake.
“So Jacob served seven years to get Rachel, but they seemed like only a few days to him because of his love for her.” Genesis 29
Godly Singleness
We are saved by Christ’s blood, and are called to live a holy life even in our short term, or long term singleness.
Singleness means freedom: freedom to travel; freedom to make your own decisions; freedom to make bold moves; freedom from trying to please a spouse; freedom in how you manage your finances; freedom to serve God.
Godly singleness means purity. God forgives, restores, and gives a clean slate to those that gave into lust before they knew better what God expected of them. If you made things right with the Lord, stop living under guilt, start enjoying God’s forgiveness, and freedom to live a pure life.
Godly singleness doesn’t endorse private gratification. God intended it between a man and his wife alone to please one another.
Godly singleness doesn’t excuse sexuality. It’s sad that virginity is treated as a shameful thing, while Christ sees beauty in it. He refers to Israel as the Virgin Daughter to show its precious value. Let’s not give that up so easily, or steal it from others. Don’t take relationships for a test drive, then chase the next best thing. That’s lust, not love.
Singleness is a gift from God. Treasure it. It’s better to be alone and not married, than to be lonely and stuck in a difficult marriage. I’ve witnessed too many hurting wives that wished they had their freedom back. Marriages require lots of giving up, lots of putting up with, lots of compromising, lots of forgiving. It’s not realistic to put two sinners together and expect a fairytale out of it. Don’t fall for Hollywood romance.
Singleness doesn’t have to mean loneliness, although being alone might be a constant battle for a single adult. Praise God for the family of believers. Stay connected. Get busy serving. Go on mission trips. Focus so much on others, that at the end of the day you’ll appreciate a quite evening to recharge.
Trust God in your singleness. Never lose hope. Get busy in serving, and God willing, He will bring someone for you to serve alongside with.
Remember, single or not, we are all called to live a holy life. And one day, we’ll give an account for the way we managed today.
Wait well in your singleness season!
Read and Meditate: 1 Corinthians 7
“So I say to those who aren’t married and to widows—it’s better to stay unmarried, just as I am. But if they can’t control themselves, they should go ahead and marry. It’s better to marry than to burn with lust …
I want you to be free from the concerns of this life. An unmarried man can spend his time doing the Lord’s work and thinking how to please him. But a married man has to think about his earthly responsibilities and how to please his wife. His interests are divided. In the same way, a woman who is no longer married or has never been married can be devoted to the Lord and holy in body and in spirit. But a married woman has to think about her earthly responsibilities and how to please her husband.
I am saying this for your benefit, not to place restrictions on you. I want you to do whatever will help you serve the Lord best, with as few distractions as possible.”