We get the Drained Teabag syndrome because we feel the pressure to deal with our responsibilities perfectly, without fault, blame, or shame by wearing the hat of a secretary, cook, house manager, fashion adviser, shop assistant, therapist, doctor, teacher, chauffeur, baker, entertainer, referee. You name it.
It’s overwhelming.
Balance is a key principle to not get overwhelmed. Sometimes my husband tells me I’m going from one extreme to another. Swinging from the North Pole to the South. He gently asked me the other day if I could hang out at the Equator a bit more. We all should.
One thing we have a hard time balancing, is time. But, here are a few things we need to work on making time so we don’t live our life with regrets.
Time with God.
“This Book of the Law shall not depart from your mouth, but you shall meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do according to all that is written in it. For then you will make your way prosperous, and then you will have good success.” Joshua 1:8
Sometimes, I feel like my ‘love tank’ is empty. I’ve got nothing to give to those around me. In order to fill it up, I need time alone with God to focus more on Him. We can postpone many of our projects, but we can not put on hold our relationship with God saying ‘I’m just going through a season’. We’d better involve Him in every season of our life, and especially when we’re too arrogant to think we can do life on our own.
My love tank is sometimes empty ’cause I had to give so much to my family, or invest myself emotionally in a friend. But other times it’s empty because I’m leaking. I’m broken, in need of mending. Sin is at the root of that. I need to do business with God to deal with my own fear, anger, worries… sins that make me leak godliness right out of me.
Time with your spouse (for the ones that are married).
“Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” Genesis 2:24
As long as God allows it, this is a permanent relationship. Kids come and go from underneath that roof, but the spouse will and should remain there by your side. It’s so easy for a mother to fully devote herself to her kids. Our offsprings tend to be the loudest, the neediest, the ones with more activities than we can keep up with. In spite of that, it makes us feel more useful, needed and in charge. For a lot of moms, this is very fulfilling.
Once the couple becomes empty-nested, they stare at each other as two strangers at a bus stop waiting in silence for the next thing. But, there is no next thing. Once kids are gone, you are it. The boyish and the girlish looks turned into grey hairs, spiritually you are at different levels, and emotionally you’re not even sure where you left off.
Your spouse should be the most important relationship after God. Don’t trade your relationship with your husband for the one with your kids. In your heart, they cannot both hold the same position. A day may come when you have to choose over your husband’s desires, or your kids’. Who’s wishes would you grant first? That answer should tell you if you’re due for changes. I can write more on this in other articles. For now, we need to be intentional on growing closer with our spouse. If spontaneity doesn’t work, we need to plan a date night.
Time to rest and to invest.
To rest. Our girls are at a point where they want mommy to go have a nap once in awhile because they can tell the difference when mommy is rested. God came up with the idea of rest, the Sabbath. Even the ground took a sabbatical. “But in the seventh year the land is to have a year of sabbath rest, a sabbath to the Lord. Do not sow your fields or prune your vineyards.” Leviticus 25:4
If it was important for the fields to take a nap, so should we.
To invest in your talents. This is important especially for moms. Don’t stop growing while your kids are growing. Moms have the tendency to pour everything they have in the little ones. They feel guilty, or lack the time to do anything for themselves. You might enjoy photography, music, art, sewing, or fixing. Go pro, or do them for fun. I love music, writing, drawing, and talking (eating too). So, I am learning to take time to do some of those. (That’s why I’m talking my husband’s ear off. He probably wished I had other passions to go pro at.)
Time with others.
“As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.” Proverbs 27:17
“And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.” Hebrews 10:24-25
Make time to invest in FRIENDSHIPS. You need that more than you know. But, maybe even your friend is in desperate need of that. It doesn’t have to be a high maintenance friend. You can meet on a more regular basis if you can. Or you might meet few times a year. But, let it be uninterrupted, high quality, genuine interest on both sides.
After the heart attack, a friend took the time to do something fun together. We went to this swimming- spa place called Therme. We shared our hearts, we ate unnecessary carbs, we swam… we laughed out loud (LOL on a text message doesn’t compare to this) It was my first restful night in a long time. Little did I know I was charging my batteries for another upcoming health crisis.
Let’s hang out at the Equator even when it comes to our time.
Things I need to work on:
- Make time for God
- Make time for yourself
- Make time for your spouse
- Make time for your friend